im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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