somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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