College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How external is "for external use only"?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
