She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
