Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
