ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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