I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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