I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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