There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
