Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
