so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
