did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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