Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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