The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
