Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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