Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
