My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
