The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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