Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
