She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
