he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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