just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
