Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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