Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
