Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
