A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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