whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
