I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
