she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
