This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
