Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
