I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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