Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
