I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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