I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
