You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
