Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
