I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
