Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
