I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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