she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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