He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
