her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
