we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
