dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
