marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
