I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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