Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
