I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
