I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
