I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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