worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
