i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
