His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
