Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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