the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
