maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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