Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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