life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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