This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
