im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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