she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
