What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
