Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
