so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
