dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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