it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
