We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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