woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
vagina is talking i cant
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
