I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
