I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
