If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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